輓歌

Since you have only been to my home once, I know the chance is slim that you would come to visit my place. However, I was thinking, you flied thousand of miles only to die in a strange land, would you able find your way home?

Your dad has called me to stop by your apartment last week. Honestly it was with tremendous trepidation that I see your parents since I know your mom is still very much distraught and my mandarin is not anywhere close to be able to console her. Turned out they just want to leave me some of the stuff they originally brought with them for your rehabilitation since they don’t have enough room. By the way, my mom said never in her life had she seen such great 雲耳 like those they brought from China. However, I hate to think that you never got the chance to try what was meant for you. I told your parents a little anecdote of your life in Boston, when I saw how excited they are about every little detail of you I can imagine how tough the road ahead for them will be. They decided to fly back to China on 中秋節, thinking that by spending that day on the plane it will be one less opportunity to mourn the loss of you…

Seeing how you struggled for your life in the last couple months had been a torture. The moment I heard the doctor said you only had weeks left I just felt that there is a clock ticking inside me. And I am not ashamed to say that I felt relieved when you left, knowing that you wouldn’t be suffering anymore. I thought I was prepared for that, but that night I found myself toss and turn through the hours. All the memories were just flashing in front of me, like the time when you ranted about you were out of your wits for the down payment of a house and how you envied me that I already had that taken care of, not knowing that I am in fact a whole ten years older than you. I said when you got to my age you would probably have much more than I do, talk about 一語成讖. Also the time we went to watch Avatar together, it was only last December, how can things changed so fast? It was only then I realized in six years you have never been to a movie theatre in America because you didn’t know that there is no seat number in movie tickets here. Life as a foreigner can’t be easy I supposed.

In retrospect, it might be a good thing that I dragged you to see the film so that you got to experience the 3D gimmick in the only time you went to movie in America. However, if I can do it again I would rather get you to do another thing you have never done in America - to go see a doctor for your annual checkup. Things could be a lot different otherwise.